The Case for Kids: A defense of the large family by a 'six-time breeder.' An Article by Leslie Leyland Fields

I first heard the word in my college classroom a few years ago. I was an assistant professor of English at a state university, and, not incidentally, the mother of five children at the time. We were doing the usual around-the-room introductions in this opening class, which served as my forecast and early warning system for the upcoming semester. Several of the women had listed their occupations, their passions, and then mentioned they were also mothers. Then it was Rosalyn's turn. "Hi, I'm Rosalyn, and I've been a truck driver and a commercial fisherman, and I'm not a breeder." Everyone looked at me, silent, eyes wide. I smiled out of reflex, but suddenly it hit my brain like a smart bomb: A breeder? So that's the term now! Like dogs or horses, purely animal-species survival.

When I told an administrator at the college where I taught that I was pregnant and had decided to resign my position, he snorted and said, "This is your, what, ninth or tenth?" So many children, of course, that they are uncountable. The next summer, a neighbor I hadn't seen for awhile came to visit. "How many kids you got now?" he asked, in his usual direct manner.

"Six," I said, smiling bravely.

"Oh! That's too many! What do you have six kids for?" he asked, grimacing. "You gonna have any more?" was his parting shot. This despite the fact that I am nearly 50.

The messages are constant and clear. They are posted throughout the internet, and they descend upon me in my small hometown through almost weekly public accostings. In exceeding the national norm, which currently stands at 2.034 children per household, according to the Population Reference Bureau, I've stepped down the ladder of achievement and broken not one, but several social contracts. First and foremost: If you are an educated professional woman, you will not want innumerable children. Women who are ambitious and smart have better plans for their lives than hosting Tupperware parties and singing "I'm a Little Teapot"—with hand motions—at play groups. In the words of Katharine Hepburn, "I was ambitious and knew I would not have children. I wanted total freedom."

You can finish reading Leslie Leyland Field’s article here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/august/15.26.html?order=&start=1

Today is my Birthday

Today is my birthday. And I will even dare to tell you my age – I am thirty-one. A frightful thing? Not really, I am surrounded by adopted church mothers who insist that I’m nothing but a baby. Their unrestrained and confident affirmation offers no room for disagreement and in the end, I’m left to share their view – thirty-one is nothing but a baby.

There was another voice this morning however – one more gripping and even surer than that of my church mothers. I woke up early this morning to it. While quiet, it was very determined to cause restlessness – which then brought reflection, which led to prayer, which God willing, will bring change. It was the voice of Scripture. And its message today was “Watch yourself lest your heart be weighed down with dissipation” (Luke 21:34).

I first encountered this passage about two years ago while wriggling in a rut. It was an easy pattern to fall into – a busy work life, a busy family life, ministry obligations, not to mention active social networking, chipped away at a disciplined prayer and personal Bible study life. It was a restless and discomforting place but these feelings were not enough to inspire change. Change came through the conviction of the Word of God. I read Luke 21:34 and saw a heart weighed down with dissipation – in this case, wasteful preoccupations that lulled my zeal for fellowship with the Lord and growth in the knowledge of His Word. The underlining message that I heard then was “don’t waste your life.”

With each age and New Year comes the reminder that life here is not forever. There is an end for each of us and I do not want to waste my life! I want to do well for the Lord as a profitable and useful servant who brings pleasure to her Master. I want to turn ever more from the dissipation that weighs down the heart to set on affections on the LORD. I want to be jealous for His glory, submitting to His Spirit so that I can please Him (Romans 8:1-8). How ever many years might be ahead, I want them to be used purposefully and intentionally for the glory of the LORD.

I’m convinced that this isn’t so much a to-do list as it is God’s work of sanctification in me. And I’m confident that He who has began that good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). “My work” in it all is to commit to prayer, study and the intentional pursuit of sanctification. So I thank God today for another birthday and ask for the grace to do well for Him – because I don’t want to waste my life.

The Virgin Sings a Lullaby

“The Virgin sings a lullaby.” I was recently struck by this stanza while listening to the popular Christmas carol What Child is this? The words on their own are straightforward but the truth they pack is anything but! Here we find the virgin birth and the staggering reality of the incarnation. I see a young virgin girl, suddenly the mother of a baby. A baby full of glory. A baby full of grace and full of truth. (John 1:14). A baby who is “the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God” (Nicene Creed). A baby who is in fact the Word made flesh. To this baby, the Virgin sings a lullaby.

And there lies the mystery of what of the J.I. Packer calls the great act of condescension and self-humbling. In the incarnation, the very God of very God is sang a lullaby. What condescension! Imagine a dependent infant, needing to be soothed, and cuddled and rocked to sleep. This is Christ the King “who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing.” (Philippians 2:6). A baby without speech, helpless to lie where placed; staring; cooing; fidgeting. What humility! “Our Lord Jesus Christ, though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9). The One in which all things were created (Colossians 1:16) became Mary’s baby boy, looking to his young mother for his food, his changing and his care. What obedience to the Father! An obedience that continued from the manger to the cross. “And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8).

This great act of condescension and self-humbling was from birth to death. The helpless baby grew and lived a sinless life and suffered a humiliating death. And this pleased the Father. “It pleased the LORD to crush him and put him to grief … he was crushed for our iniquities; the chastisement that brought us peace was upon him (Isaiah 53:5-10). He was crushed that I might be raised up. He was made poor that I might be made rich. He took on sin that I might be clothed in His righteousness. He descended that I might ascend one day in him to partake in His exaltation and His glory (Philippians 2:9-11). And this too pleased the Father.

I remember the incarnation and sing. Not songs of lullabies, but songs of adoration to the One who saves. So come let us adore Him ... the Babe, the Son of Mary!

When I am Afraid, I will Trust in God

I belong to a small group of very young mothers. We meet monthly to support and encourage each other and study the Scriptures with a desire to raise godly offspring. At our last meeting, we viewed and discussed a DVD on fear-based parenting. We admitted to being afraid in ways we were not before becoming parents. Parents worry about their children. From in vitro, to infants, toddlers, young-schoolers, teens and beyond, we concern ourselves with the safety, well-being and sometimes even the happiness of our children. 

 

We agreed that being a parent can make you a coward in some ways. Many will quiet the idealist zeal of their youth and begin making decisions for the contentment and protection of their children – protection from both real and imagined dangers. The group said all these things, ate animal crackers, drank fruit juice, emphasized the importance of giving our children to the Lord and left agreeing to make decisions inspired ultimately by God’s glory and rather than our parental fears.

All this took place on Saturday, December 8, 2012. Six days later, on Friday December 14, 2012, a lone gunman entered a school packed with young children with the intent to kill. And he did. His horrific rampage ended with the lives of 26 people, 20 of them children ages 5 through 10. I heard the news and felt many emotions – some were distinct, others were difficult to sort out, fear was among them.

I’m certain that my fear was not uncommon. Many parents thought of “what if” possibilities while at the same time trying not to think of “what if” possibilities and fear slipped in somewhere in between – it slipped in appearing almost justifiable in light of the immensity of the massacre.

So what do we do with these feelings? And what should I do with Saturday, December 8^th in the ghastly face of Friday, December 14^th? Should I let the terror of the 14^th swallow up the affirmations made on the 8^th? Does the magnitude of the horror validate the fears? Is it right to ignore (at least for a while) the truth that guided my decision against parental fear just six days before?

I believe that moments like this – shocking and circumstantial moments that stir strong emotions and passions – come as tests and as opportunities. They test how highly we value Scripture and present opportunities for us to check our emotions against God’s word. We either chose to justify and indulge the feelings or deliberately believe the truth in spite of the moment.

And so fully aware of the reality of Friday December 14, 2012 – the reality of darkness, sin and innate depravity that reveals itself in the murder of children – I’m choosing to cling to the truth shared on Saturday, December 8, 2012. I will once again give my child to the Lord, because she is His in the first place, and will pray for the grace to make parenting decisions inspired ultimately by His glory and not by my fears. I know of course that this decision will not immediately and automatically overcome my fears once and for all. And so “When I am (once more) afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. (In the end), What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm  56:3-4).  

May the LORD help the parents grieving the loss of their children today!

The Benefit of Being Clueless

Okay, so obviously this blog has nothing to do with providing parenting skills. The title “G.O. Mommies!” might give the impression of a “how-to” mommy’s blog. This however would be a problem since I don’t necessarily know “how-to.” I’m far from an expert in parental skills. I can’t claim any knowhow in this area as a fairly new mom of a toddler.

So what is this about then? It’s about a new mother’s desire to do well for the LORD in how she raises her child(ren) – and ultimately, that mother’s desire to grow in sanctification, understanding of the gospel and usefulness to the LORD. And it is here that being somewhat green in the finer points of parenting can actually be a benefit.

In general, I’m more likely to rest in my abilities when I’m feeling confident and self-assured. However, when surrounded mostly by uncertainty, I tend to seek direction with some intentionality. For many of us, being a parent reveals more of our shortcomings than it does our wisdom and mastery. This has been true for me. I see the ways in which I fall short and I know I need the LORD in order to do well for Him at this task. So my best and most effective parenting tool thus far? Prayer! I pray for help often—not necessarily because I’m supposed to—but because I’m so unsure and so prone to failure.

But I love this. I love it because it reflects the Gospel. This is the heart of the Good News: the admission of ones inability before a gracious and able God. The Gospel has nothing to do with your ability to get it right but it is the recognition that your very best effort on your very best day is nothing more than filth, weakness and foolishness when seen in the light of God’s holiness, strength and wisdom (Isaiah 64:6; I Corinthians 1:18-.25). The bad news of course is that God’s perfection IS the one required of you. The Good News is that God gives it.

It is given positionally to those who rest from the pretense of their own righteousness (be it religious or humanistic) to cling to God for the imputed righteousness of His Son (Ephesians 2:8). I see this illustrated in the story told by Jesus in Luke 18:9-14.  I love there the picture of the tax collector who hangs his head, beats is chest and prays “God be merciful to me, a sinner!” Jesus tells us that this man goes home justified and not the Pharisee who trusts in his own righteousness before God.

So as with justification, today I thank God for the "cluelessness" and seeming weakness of my parenting for it drives me to lower my head, bend my knees and seek his perfect strength (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). The benefit is not in the weakness itself but in the humility it offers that draws me nearer to God and ultimately increases my sanctification, understanding of the gospel and usefulness to the LORD.  

Differentiate between Christian Truth and Deistic Morality -- Part 2 of Christian Children Not Just Moral Kids

Shortly after writing and posting my last blog, Christian Children … not just Moral Kids, I knew it begged a part two. Whether clear or not, the goal of the blog was to distinguish between the reality of authentic, orthodox, Biblical Christianity and the relativistic moralism often celebrated, welcomed and even wrongly defined as Christianity by some today. This distinction is essential if your goal is to faithfully represent the “faith once for all given to the saints” in an increasingly “post-Christian” culture—not to mention raise and admonish your children toward godliness.

 

Simply put, we must intentionally and continually differentiate between Christian truth and deistic morality, especially when research and our own experience tell us that so many either do not or cannot. Christians must know what they believe and must seek to understand it more and more. They must love it, cherish it, uphold it and pray for the grace to faithfully live it and make it know– above all within their homes.

Christian Children … Not Just Moral Kids

Christian Moralistic Therapeutic Deism. This term has entered into the conversations of some Christian circles in recent years. It was developed, defined and introduced by Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton, researchers who sought to understand the spiritual lives of American teenagers. Their book, Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers, presented findings that defined American teens as hugely moralistic, therapeutic deists. 

Why “moralistic”?  Smith and Denton found that as a whole, American teens took a moralistic approach to life. In other words, they believe that central to life is being “a good and moral person” – someone who is nice and fair to everyone. They would say that, as taught in the Bible and by most world religions, good people go to heaven when they die.

Why “therapeutic”? The authors describe the worldview of these teens as one that provides “therapeutic benefits to its adherents.” All in all, American teens believe that the central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself. There is little, if anything, within the belief systems of these “Christian” teens that promote “repentance from sin, living as a servant of a sovereign divine or building character through suffering.”

And lastly, they are labeled “deists” because they believe that god exists and created and ordered the world and watches over human life on earth. This “god” however “does not need to be particularly involved in one’s life except when he is needed to resolve a problem.”

An unfortunate picture indeed – one that believes itself to be Christian yet approaches God on the basis of human goodness and not the justifying righteousness of Christ (Romans 3:21-26). Unfortunate still because many of us know these teens. They are in our Sunday schools, our youth ministries and in our churches. Some of them are faithful church attendees, they do well in school and while they may not be perfect, they are perceived on the whole as “good kids.” Yes, good and moral kids who, while they may profess Christ, do not possess the saving faith once for all given to the saints (Jude 1:3),  they do not love the Gospel of God enough to sacrifice their lives, much less their comfort, for it and they are far from any commitment to holiness and maturity in the faith.

I find that last sentence immensely tragic and I write it with a heavy heart. My prayer for my own children (and for those that I have the pleasure of knowing) is that they would be Christian and not merely “good and moral children.” I understand of course that there is nothing that I can do to save my children. It is God who saves. Salvation belongs to Him (Revelation 7:10). He chooses and regenerates men, women and children (John 6:65). But the Bible does not leave me without responsibility. I am to be a faithful steward of the Children the LORD has given me. I must be faithful in praying for their hearts to be contrite and repentant. I must impress upon them the meaning of the gospel – drawing clear distinctions between saving faith and moralistic deism. And most importantly, I must pray for the grace to live a life of discipleship that faithfully displays the gospel.

This last point is essential for it calls parents to examine the state of their own Christianity. How much do you understand what you claim to believe? Do you accommodate yourself to the dominant culture’s definition of a “good person” and a “good life” or do you hold fast to the only “Good Person” who ever lived, trusting in His imputed righteousness for your salvation?  May it not be that our own moralistic therapeutic deistic beliefs serve as the example for our children.

Teach them when you sit

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Deuteronomy 6:6-8

I love the book of Deuteronomy. And no, I don’t have a thing for copious chapters that explain the Mosaic Law. So perhaps what I mean to say is that love the concept behind the book of Deuteronomy. The book is essentially one big study hall. Moses is the teacher and the children of Israel are the students. The wilderness east of the Jordan River is their classroom. And there they sit to review God’s expectation of them before conquering the eminent Promised Land.

It had taken 40 years and two generations to get to this place. All the adults who had experienced the Exodus – except for Joshua and Caleb – were dead. Their children, determined to pass the test that their parents had failed, sat on the verge of an expectant promise to listen, to learn and to choose obedience over disobedience … life over death. Their teacher Moses, ever steadfast and having only a few weeks to live, is exhaustive in his review and admonishment.

It is within this context that he gives the following instruction. I can hear him bellow: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.” And do so not sporadically or solely at religiously appointed times but teach them when you sit. Teach them when you walk. Teach them when you lie down. Teach them when you rise up. In short, Moses challenges the people of God to provide godly instruction for their children as they shared life together within the normalcy of the everyday. It was to be a natural practice. So natural, in fact, that the experiences encountered within the ordinariness of the day inspired easy conversation on the wonders of God and His salvation.

What a lofty challenge! Lofty, for one reason: in order for one to naturally, constantly and sincerely display God before his/her children, God would have to first be naturally, constantly and sincerely cherished in the heart of that person. Simply put, we speak easily about the things we love. As such, the topic of God becomes a natural conversation at any given time or routine when that topic is the very joy of our hearts. The center of Deuteronomy 6:6-8 then is not simply to teach your children but rather to love the LORD with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. Interestingly enough, these are the very words that precede the commandment in verse five!

A Christian parent with a desire to raise godly offspring must first have a desire to grow in their own godliness before the LORD. There must be a commitment to sanctification and a delight for the LORD apart from the instruction of one’s children. You must love the LORD with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might – so much so that it overflows to cover your children within the everydayness of life. Your central commitment and prayer then as a parent dedicated to shaping godly offspring is for your own shaping. May the grace of God enable us to live lives of discipleship and faithfulness to the gospel of Jesus Christ – within the routineness of our “everyday.”